Perfect

So, I've decided that I want to be better about posting but sometimes I lack inspiration.  So I'm going to start posting based on quotes I've found.  This is the first one.

In the past 4 years at school I've really discovered who I am.  And it's funny because I think about who I was in high school, and even freshman year, and then I think about who I am now.  And those two people are completely different.  But, I am happy with where I am.  I have done things that I never thought that I would do, I have met people who have made a huge impact in my life, and I have made memories that will last forever.  There are people that I meet every day that don't agree with my decisions, my beliefs, my values but I've learned that it doesn't matter.  I can only do the best I can and I'm happy with that.  No one is going to make me feel bad or feel like I need to be different.  I'm me and I'm ok with that.

Lucky

Sometimes I forget how blessed I truly am.  I’m sitting here on mothers day thinking about the things in my life that I would like changed.  Things I wish would go differently or things that I don’t think are fair.  Petty things that overall have little effect on the outcome of my life and how I turn out as a person.

I’m sitting here doing all of this and a thought popped in my head.  I am lucky.  I am lucky to have people who love and care for me. I am lucky to have friends that have my back, even when I put up the biggest fights about it. I am lucky to have  people in my life that want the best for me even when I keep failing over and over.

Recently, 2 people that are very significant in my life lost a parent, one their mom and one their dad.  I sat and watched as their lives literally fell apart. And now it’s mothers day, and soon fathers day will be here.  And I’m sitting here wishing that I did’t have to do biology make up work while they have to face that the person in their life they loved more than ever is gone. 

I say this everyday that I am not nearly thankful enough for what I have.  You might think I would learn my lesson eventually but aparently I don’t because I am being constantly reminded that I am doing a horrible job at being thankful. 

You Are More

I love this song and I think it's a great reminder!

Change

I feel so far away from everything. Like I was blind to the world but now my eyes are opened and I’m in an entirely different place then everyone else. I’m in a room of people but I feel alone. You know that empty feeling?  I can’t explain it but it’s there. I need something, something to change, something to make sense, something to happen.

Along with that I hate depending on people.  It’s funny because no matter what someone always lets you down. So, we put a guard for the next person that comes along.  And I’m not talking about just relationships; I mean friendships, family members, all of it.  Every experience changes us a tiny bit and that affects every relationship from then on out. When we experience change we tend to get scared, sometimes it’s an excited scared or sometimes a fear but it’s easy to be afraid of the unknown. I hate the feeling of where do I go from here. I’m the type of person who just wants to know.

I like change though. Things get boring really quickly to me so sometimes change is good. It’s all about how you look at it I think.

Yeah, I'm Spoiled

Never take anything for granted.
Benjamin Disrael


It's as easy as that. Today this is what I was thinking. So a list of things I have recently taken for granted.

*My education.
*Having not one, but 2 jobs.
*My family.
*Having a place to keep warm.
*Having a car to drive. (And a parking spot right across from my dorm for that matter.)
*Taking the time to listen to a friend instead of talking about myself.
*Being able to see, hear, taste, touch, think, breathe, move, love, laugh.
*Having a computer to type this thing on.
*I could list 1,000 things and not cover them all but you don't want to read that.


Unintentionally as I was typing I was also listening to youtube (well that part was intentional) but the song by Carrie Underwood came on. The song is called lessons learned. I'll link it to this so you can listen to it if you choose to. It kind of fits right with my point though. Each moment that I let pass that I'm not thankful is one that I won't get back and one that I don't necessarily deserve. How do I know that the next moment will be there? The point is, I don't.


Am I ever going to be thankful for every single moment. No, of course not. I'm human and so the moments that make me the most pissed off that probably have taught me a lesson in the end I'm not going to be thankful for. But, I'm going to stop talking so much for granted. I can do that. I can be thankful each day that I have the abilities that I do.


I think that to accomplish this and hopefully change my outlook on life (which is something I really need right now) each day I am going to pick one thing I am thankful for from that day and put it in a box. I'm not going to read them again right away... I'm not exactly sure when I'll read them. But, at least for now I can try to be more grateful. It's the least I can do for what I've been given.

Damn

"And when the dam bursts…all you can do is swim."

My sister posted this quote on her facebook earlier and I liked it. But then I got to thinking about what it really means.

A lot of changes are happening to me right now.  At first I was pretty upset with it all. I felt completely empty and lost. But then excitement set in, all these new opportunities. And now sadness. I feel like there are so many things that I need to be doing but nothing can happen. I hate that feeling. I feel so helpless. I don't understand it but this is what I've been given right now. It doesn't really make sense to me but I guess that's what life is.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Life is full of surprises. You never know what's going to happen, when, how, with who. But I've decided that maybe what we really need to do is just enjoy it.  I find myself getting so wrapped up in the small details every day that I forget to let myself enjoy life. There's lots of small things that don't really matter when I actually think about but yet I seem to get so caught up in them that I let the rest of the day pass me by. I don't know, maybe this will never change. Maybe I will always "sweat the small stuff" but I'm going to try to at least balance my worrying with letting go and having fun. 

And when the dam breaks I'm going to swim.

My Bucket List

So I have decided I want to have a bucket list. This list probably isn't going to be like most list because knowing me I'll add and take away things as my mood shifts. So, I'm going to start with a small list. 20 things I want to do sometime in my life
1. Own a horse
2. Have a family
3. Do something that means something
4. Do something for no reason at all
5. Go Ice Fishing
6. Take 1,000 pictures
7. Sleep under the stars
8. Stay up all night on the beach to watch the sunrise
9. Pick a TV show and watch every episode from beginning to end without stopping
10. Buy something really expensive (this excludes a house or car)
11. Find a container that we used to have as kids that you would put juice boxes in so you couldn't squeeze the juice out
12. Paint a room white and splatter it with all the colors of the rainbow
13. Have a secret that I never share with anyone
14. Get a purple streak in my hair
15. Go on a road trip
16. Go on a flight that is so long they have to feed you two meals
17. Ride a train
18. Read a book series I don't think I will like from beginning to end
19. Go to at least half as many football and basketball games as I do swim meets
20. Rescue 3 puppies that wouldn't be alive otherwise