Childlike Faith

I've been working at day care since the beginning of the year and I don't know if there is any better job.  I've been ready to walk out, ready to cry, to my breaking point and all I can do is laugh.  But I wouldn't trade my kids for anything!!

Every day I get to change diapers, wipe snotty noses, wipe spit and food off faces, clean up toys, spray down tables.....

get colored pictures that look more like scribbles, hear stories over and over, and get hugs and hugs and hugs.

I've learned how to stop special needs student from hitting me without even looking, I can tell who's scribble page is who's, I can tie shoes and pick up toys at the same time.

But ultimately, I get to spend theses days playing with kids that have no care except who's it in ball tag! It's a good reminder that even when I'm stressed to the max and have so much homework to do as soon as I get home I need to sometimes take a minute and have faith like a child.

I need to be carefree, I need to take a step back and focus on the fun things in life.  Sometimes I get so caught up in the hurry that I don't take the time I need for God and my faith.  So, each day my kids get to send me a small reminder!

There Are Worse Things

I have to keep reminding myself over and over... There Are Worse Things.

I am telling myself that because I am sitting in a random McDonalds in Pittsburgh hoping that my bus really does come on a 3 hour delay and doesn't show up early (when I'm not there) or just doesn't show up (which is worse case).  But, I made it safely to Pittsburgh from DC (only 50 minutes late which is saying something because the snow was slick and it was from 12-6 am our driver was driving).  I am sitting inside a warm building, and I will get home eventually.

The past three weeks have been some of the most challenging, exciting, heartbreaking, exhausting, joyful weeks of my life.  I met people that touched my life in ways that they will never know.  I had my eyes opened to a WIDE array of things I never expected to see, hear, or experience.  I met people that I couldn't understand one word of conversation, and people who I could barely get to say one word.  I left work everyday with a smile. 

I cannot wait until I am home, warm, and rested.  I have learned how much my family and friends mean to me as a support system and I can't wait to be back with them.  But, as hard as it is for me to say it, a little piece of my heart will now forever belong to the McClendon Center in Washington, DC.

The Big City

Ok, I promised a blog and FINALLY... here it is!!

Most of you know that I am doing a 3 week practicum for the social work program  in Washington, DC.  I'm working at the McClenden Center which is a center for mental illness.


I'm 2 days in and I've been in DC (well, really in Alexandria, VA) for 5 days now.  These 5 days have been some of the craziest of my life!! It started during my 18 hour bus ride here where I ended up stuck outside in Cincinnati, OH at 4:30 in the morning by myself.  I was sharing the block with 2 homeless men who decided that it would be the perfect time for a fight.  I found an open door and will be eternally thankful to a security guard who let me sit inside for an hour until it was time for me to leave.

I finally made it to DC and CRASHED!  The next day was New Years Eve and the screen on my phone shorted out.  So, I have not had a phone since I've been here but will hopefully have that fixed soon.

My first 2 days at the center have been great! I met a client who's name is Superman.  He has both a mental disability and a mental illness.  Today, without even knowing it, Superman melted my hear.  He walked in and looked me in the eye and said, "Hi Miss Stephanie, how you today?"  He remembered my name. 

When I take a step back and look at what I have been experiencing I can only be thankful.  I am surrounded by poverty, drug and alcohol addiction, depression, other mental illness, hopelessness, but yet some of the most appreciative and loving people I have ever met. 

Today I met a man and I was giving him a survey.  I asked him "Do you think the staff at the center believe that you can recover?"  He said "Yeah they believe I can, I don't think I can, but they believe I can".  That made me realize how important what I want to do is. 

So far I've learned some lessons about life
1. When you are nice to people, people tend to be nice back.
2. If you give someone the time of day, you will be rewarded.
3. Things that may seem super stressful will work out.
4. You may find the most joy just sitting and spending time with a 40 year old, smelly, dirty, mentally disabled, mentally ill man in a waiting room.  When he sings "I'll Fly Away" and spreads his arms out and then tells you he's Superman flying away.... well, it just makes my heart happy.

:) These are my adventures!

Perfect

So, I've decided that I want to be better about posting but sometimes I lack inspiration.  So I'm going to start posting based on quotes I've found.  This is the first one.

In the past 4 years at school I've really discovered who I am.  And it's funny because I think about who I was in high school, and even freshman year, and then I think about who I am now.  And those two people are completely different.  But, I am happy with where I am.  I have done things that I never thought that I would do, I have met people who have made a huge impact in my life, and I have made memories that will last forever.  There are people that I meet every day that don't agree with my decisions, my beliefs, my values but I've learned that it doesn't matter.  I can only do the best I can and I'm happy with that.  No one is going to make me feel bad or feel like I need to be different.  I'm me and I'm ok with that.

Lucky

Sometimes I forget how blessed I truly am.  I’m sitting here on mothers day thinking about the things in my life that I would like changed.  Things I wish would go differently or things that I don’t think are fair.  Petty things that overall have little effect on the outcome of my life and how I turn out as a person.

I’m sitting here doing all of this and a thought popped in my head.  I am lucky.  I am lucky to have people who love and care for me. I am lucky to have friends that have my back, even when I put up the biggest fights about it. I am lucky to have  people in my life that want the best for me even when I keep failing over and over.

Recently, 2 people that are very significant in my life lost a parent, one their mom and one their dad.  I sat and watched as their lives literally fell apart. And now it’s mothers day, and soon fathers day will be here.  And I’m sitting here wishing that I did’t have to do biology make up work while they have to face that the person in their life they loved more than ever is gone. 

I say this everyday that I am not nearly thankful enough for what I have.  You might think I would learn my lesson eventually but aparently I don’t because I am being constantly reminded that I am doing a horrible job at being thankful. 

You Are More

I love this song and I think it's a great reminder!

Change

I feel so far away from everything. Like I was blind to the world but now my eyes are opened and I’m in an entirely different place then everyone else. I’m in a room of people but I feel alone. You know that empty feeling?  I can’t explain it but it’s there. I need something, something to change, something to make sense, something to happen.

Along with that I hate depending on people.  It’s funny because no matter what someone always lets you down. So, we put a guard for the next person that comes along.  And I’m not talking about just relationships; I mean friendships, family members, all of it.  Every experience changes us a tiny bit and that affects every relationship from then on out. When we experience change we tend to get scared, sometimes it’s an excited scared or sometimes a fear but it’s easy to be afraid of the unknown. I hate the feeling of where do I go from here. I’m the type of person who just wants to know.

I like change though. Things get boring really quickly to me so sometimes change is good. It’s all about how you look at it I think.

Yeah, I'm Spoiled

Never take anything for granted.
Benjamin Disrael


It's as easy as that. Today this is what I was thinking. So a list of things I have recently taken for granted.

*My education.
*Having not one, but 2 jobs.
*My family.
*Having a place to keep warm.
*Having a car to drive. (And a parking spot right across from my dorm for that matter.)
*Taking the time to listen to a friend instead of talking about myself.
*Being able to see, hear, taste, touch, think, breathe, move, love, laugh.
*Having a computer to type this thing on.
*I could list 1,000 things and not cover them all but you don't want to read that.


Unintentionally as I was typing I was also listening to youtube (well that part was intentional) but the song by Carrie Underwood came on. The song is called lessons learned. I'll link it to this so you can listen to it if you choose to. It kind of fits right with my point though. Each moment that I let pass that I'm not thankful is one that I won't get back and one that I don't necessarily deserve. How do I know that the next moment will be there? The point is, I don't.


Am I ever going to be thankful for every single moment. No, of course not. I'm human and so the moments that make me the most pissed off that probably have taught me a lesson in the end I'm not going to be thankful for. But, I'm going to stop talking so much for granted. I can do that. I can be thankful each day that I have the abilities that I do.


I think that to accomplish this and hopefully change my outlook on life (which is something I really need right now) each day I am going to pick one thing I am thankful for from that day and put it in a box. I'm not going to read them again right away... I'm not exactly sure when I'll read them. But, at least for now I can try to be more grateful. It's the least I can do for what I've been given.

Damn

"And when the dam bursts…all you can do is swim."

My sister posted this quote on her facebook earlier and I liked it. But then I got to thinking about what it really means.

A lot of changes are happening to me right now.  At first I was pretty upset with it all. I felt completely empty and lost. But then excitement set in, all these new opportunities. And now sadness. I feel like there are so many things that I need to be doing but nothing can happen. I hate that feeling. I feel so helpless. I don't understand it but this is what I've been given right now. It doesn't really make sense to me but I guess that's what life is.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Life is full of surprises. You never know what's going to happen, when, how, with who. But I've decided that maybe what we really need to do is just enjoy it.  I find myself getting so wrapped up in the small details every day that I forget to let myself enjoy life. There's lots of small things that don't really matter when I actually think about but yet I seem to get so caught up in them that I let the rest of the day pass me by. I don't know, maybe this will never change. Maybe I will always "sweat the small stuff" but I'm going to try to at least balance my worrying with letting go and having fun. 

And when the dam breaks I'm going to swim.

My Bucket List

So I have decided I want to have a bucket list. This list probably isn't going to be like most list because knowing me I'll add and take away things as my mood shifts. So, I'm going to start with a small list. 20 things I want to do sometime in my life
1. Own a horse
2. Have a family
3. Do something that means something
4. Do something for no reason at all
5. Go Ice Fishing
6. Take 1,000 pictures
7. Sleep under the stars
8. Stay up all night on the beach to watch the sunrise
9. Pick a TV show and watch every episode from beginning to end without stopping
10. Buy something really expensive (this excludes a house or car)
11. Find a container that we used to have as kids that you would put juice boxes in so you couldn't squeeze the juice out
12. Paint a room white and splatter it with all the colors of the rainbow
13. Have a secret that I never share with anyone
14. Get a purple streak in my hair
15. Go on a road trip
16. Go on a flight that is so long they have to feed you two meals
17. Ride a train
18. Read a book series I don't think I will like from beginning to end
19. Go to at least half as many football and basketball games as I do swim meets
20. Rescue 3 puppies that wouldn't be alive otherwise